As someone who has suffered from depression and anxiety, it
tears at my heart when I hear someone lost their battle with their demons.
Depression is not just being sad. It is not underappreciating the life you
have. It is not dwelling on the bad. It is this feeling of sinking away into
whatever dark thoughts and feelings you are having and it is not easy to
overcome. It hurts when I hear people talk negatively about those who lost the
fight with themselves. It’s okay to have your own beliefs about suicide, but do
not speak negatively of someone’s choice if you’ve never been in that mindset.
Instead of getting on your soap box and preaching about how immoral and
cowardly suicide is, find a way to help. Raise money for suicide prevention.
Become a mentor. Smile at a stranger who looks like they are having a rough
one. Everyone has their own demons and some people just need extra help
fighting them away.
I remember right before Lily was born, I told my mom I was
scared of postpartum depression. Being able to (somewhat) prepare myself for
all the emotions that were about to be piled on top of the ones that were
already occurring was no easy task. Neither was telling someone my fears. But I think that helped me stay on the lighter side of things. In the hospital after Lily was born, I took
a mandatory survey and my doctor had to come in to talk to me because I scored
on the side of postpartum. I am not ashamed of this. I could admit to being a
new mom and being completely overwhelmed with my new situation because I also
knew I had this incredible backbone of support in not only Jordan but in our
families and our friends.
I vowed a long time ago to never get back to that place; to that me who I never wish to see again. I send love and hugs and positive vibes to those who are stuck there now. I had some very low lows and I had horrible thoughts. There was not one specific thing that was hurting me, and yet everything was hurting me. When I read my journals from that time period, I want to give my that scared young girl a hug and tell her she’ll get through it. Because I did. I had great friends and a great family support system who pulled me out of the darkness; some without even knowing it. Not everyone is that lucky.
It’s not always the sulky ones who are battling some sort of
inner war. Some people, like Robin Williams, will have you in stitches laughing
while they suffer silently. I wish he could have seen what everyone else saw
and taken some joy in the happiness and laughter he brought to others. Rest
easy, good sir. 
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